Prioritizing Your Life - Day 5

I got another one of those calls from the nursing home the other day, but this one came at 5:15am on a Saturday morning. The question the nurse asked me took me by surprise and I was at once consumed with anger and frustration. Not a great way to start a Saturday, or any day for that matter, but unfortunately the way many of my days begin. Although I had plans with friends to run a race that morning and to go an outdoor festival later in the day, I found myself instead showering hurriedly and rushing to see what was up with mom. What I found was her in pain and sunburned because someone had been negligent the day before. Turned out the burns were second degree, and we spent most of the day in the ER pumping her full of fluids so that she wouldn't dehydrate and go into shock. I was a basket case, and all she wanted to know was when the plane was going to land. She was tired of flying and wanted to go home.

Why do I tell you this story? Because God is teaching me a valuable lesson through this experience. The lesson... I am not in control. He is. You'd think I would have learned this one by now, wouldn't you, but apparently I haven't. Because He keeps bringing it back again and again and I keep failing miserably.

The reason I fail is because I drop everything and go to her thinking that my presence will make a difference. As if I alone can make her better even though the Parkinson's and dementia continue to take her further and further from me. Maybe if I give up everything else and martyr myself to her, then I can change the outcome of this drama we are living.

God sees if differently. And He intends to keep replaying this scene as many times as it takes for me to understand. He controls this, not me. He decides when and where and how the final chapter will be played and no amount of sacrifice I make will change that. David tells us in Psalm 51:16-17:

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

So far God hasn't gotten that from me. What He has gotten is frustration, indignation, pleading and begging. Not once have I come before Him broken asking Him to show me what He wants me to do in this situation. Not once have I admitted to Him that I am not in control. I have bargained, promised and cursed, but not given up control. And, He is making it more and more plain to me that until I do, we will continue to play out this chapter of the story until I get it right.

He has reminded me many times this week that He doesn't need me to rescue my mom or my husband or my children. What He does command me to do is to worship Him. To be the woman He created me to be and to let Him be the God that He desires to be in my life. I am reminded over and over that I am the one with the problem here, not Him.

So today's lesson in prioritizing your life is this:

5. Give God control of ALL areas of your life so that He can be glorified in all you do and all you are. He is God, you are not. Listen for His voice and hear Him. As David prays in Psalm 130:5-6:

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,