So, Thursday on my way to work my phone rings. It is the charge nurse at the nursing home where my mom lives, and it is never good when she calls. When I see the number on my caller id, the guilt immediately sets in. I hadn't seen mom since the weekend and if something had happened, I knew I would never be able to forgive myself. I had only left my doctor (whose office is two blocks from the nursing home) five minutes before, but didn't stop to visit because I didn't want to miss any more work. So much for learning to let go!!!
I answered the call with trepidation, worried about what I would hear on the other end. The nurse's voice was apologetic as she told me that mom had fallen again trying to get out of bed by herself! The woman hasn't been able to walk in two years and yet she is thinking she can get up and dress herself. I was assured that mom was okay, only bruised, and so I went on to work. These calls have become way too routine over the last couple of years for me to continue to drop everything and run to her side when I get a call that she has fallen. I saw my mom that afternoon after work, and sure enough, she was fine. Bruised badly, totally in another time, but happy as a lark. All she wanted to know was if my son had ever shown back up from his trip to Australia, and when was he going to come visit her! Talk about learning to let go.
There are times when I am envious of my mom for so quickly being able to forget the bad things that happen to her and being able to focus on just what is important (in this case, seeing her grandson). Although dementia is a horrible disease, in this instance it reminds me of how God responds to our sin. Check out these verses from Psalm:
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, So great is His loving kindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:11-12
That is so cool to me!
God promises us:
I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake,and remembers your sins no more. Isaiah 43:25
This verse begs the question: If God can separate us from our sin, and can blot them out to remember them no more, why can't we? I think that in this world where everyone seems to be out only for themselves, and where so many people hold grudges or hold mistakes against us to prove their superiority, we forget the One who loves us most and whose love we should hungrily seek forgives and forgets. Did you get that? God forgives and forgets. What a lesson to learn! He who gave his son so that I might live not only made that supreme sacrifice, but He forgives me when I mess up and sees only the face of the Son, His Son, where my sin once was.
When I think back over the last few days, I realize that God allowed me to witness this concept in my own life, and I thank Him for it. I learned that asking for forgiveness from a co-worker, while not easy, was the right thing to do, and that it was ordained from my Father. What is more exciting, is the effect my apology has had both on me, and on the other person. The bridge that has been built between us gives me hope that maybe letting go does have merit. Not only in front of God, but between me and my fellow man.
That brings me to what I learned about letting these last few days.
4. Letting go of hurts you feel someone has committed against you, and confessing the sin in your life, is essential to being able to come to the Father and have true fellowship with Him. And, that should be the number one priority of our lives.
My children, if your brother or sister has ought against you, leave your place by My altar and go and be reconciled. And if you have ought against your brother, go to him and meet him on his way. Then shall I heal all the old and now hurts by this medicine you will put on each cut or bruise — an open and honest heart toward your brother and sister. But if you will not face that hurt your brother has inflicted on you with an open and honest heart before him, then shall the evil one come and pull you to the side and tempt you to nurse your hurts by another hearing brother or sister's side. And before you know it, you shall have soiled your garment and the garment of him who hears you with the soil of gossip. Matthew 5:23-24
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Why do people allow themselves to feel guilty?Guilt implies having done something wrong. Is that how you feel? Do you feel you did something wrong? Do you feel you made the wrong choice? Is it maybe that you feel you made a bad choice? Would you make the same decision again under the same circumstances? People find it hard to relate when I tell them I do not experience guilt, unless I have truly done something wrong. Part of learning to let go is to learn to let go of guilt. God gave us free will, which comes with the power to make decisions. I have little choice but to work, but I do have choices with my work. Do I let the powers that be make me feel guilty that I do not work enough to get the job done? I am doing everything humanly possible to get the job done. Do I let the people I love make me feel guilty that I do not spend enough time with them? How can that be when I have made the choice? Has there been a day recently that you planned to leave work on time but ended up staying an extra hour? Did you feel guilty about missing time with your family? Do you feel guilty about not working enough, or do you feel resentful that work demands so much of your time? When was the last time you missed work? I do not mean when was the last time you had to take a day off from work. I am talking about when was the last time you missed work in the sense of longing to be there? That is not the sentiment if my office. In the world in which we live, we have allowed the pressures of the economic downturn to excuse our behavior. You have to be able to see yourself for who you are before you can see me for who I am--a man trying to do his best with the plan God has for him. We are all in this together. What will it take for people to realize this?
ReplyDeleteWow, well said by both you and Jay. I love the scriptures they have caused me to think. Thanks for posting them. Letting go of past hurts that I perceive were done to me is a challenge or has been a challenge. My response to that hurt often is where I have gone wrong and often has made the hurt worse or linger unnecessarily long (years in some instances). At this stage of life I am trying to make different choices, respond differently to things that occur to me or around me. I am trying to let go daily/hourly/immediately and respond in a more Christlike fashion.
ReplyDeleteTo Jay's point he is exactly right if I have not done anything wrong and I know my intentions and heart is or was right then why do I hold onto something. Probably because the response or choices of the other party or my insecurity and fear of how they will respond. I have learned I simply cannot control how people will perceive, receive, respond, or anything else. They too are born of a sin nature just as I was. When I spend too much time dwelling, thinking, or holding onto something then I am giving power over to that thing, event, or person. I am giving consent to steal my joy and distract me from what is most important. This thought then brings me back to Lynn's point of reclaiming our lives and not be burdened or weighed down by such nonsense. Oh, this is so much easier said then done. I have to sign off. Our bible study group will be here in 6 minutes. Love you guys!! Thanks for sharing, thanks for being transparent. Lynn, love your blog may I pass it onto my friends?